Ukraine’s Gold Star Families

K of C families in Ukraine find hope to live on even as they mourn loved ones killed in combat

By Karolina Świder

6/27/2024

On Jan. 13, 2023, the day of Denys Tarasov’s burial, shops ran out of fresh flowers in Zaporizhzhia, Ukraine, some 30 kilometers from the war’s front line. The crowd gathered around his grave outside the Co-Cathedral of God the Merciful Father was so large that it seemed never-ending.

Tarasov, a member of God the Merciful Father Council 16460 in Zaporizhzhia, was a lawyer engaged in politics and human rights activism. He died in combat in January 2023, leaving behind his wife, Kateryna, and their two children, 15-year-old Varvara and 10-year-old Klymentii

“A year and a half have passed since my husband’s death, and people still come up to me and ask, ‘Are you Denys Tarasov’s wife?’” said Kateryna. Yet, she does not like to be called a widow. To her, as to many women who have lost their husbands to the war, another term is more appropriate: “wives of heroes.”

More than two years after Russia’s full-scale invasion of Ukraine, at least 70,000 Ukrainian men have been killed in the war, mourned by parents, wives, children, friends. Death and trauma continue to spread among Ukrainian families, including Knights of Columbus families. Yet even those touched by tragedy find unexpected strength in prayer and community.

‘I WILL NOT LEAVE MY GUYS’

Denys Tarasov stood in line for two days to enlist in the Ukrainian army as a volunteer. In an interview, he was later asked, “How did your wife react to the fact that you went to war?” He replied, “She wouldn’t have married me if I’d decide any other way!”

Kateryna, who teaches social pedagogy at the Zaporizhzhia National University, was conducting training in Sviatohirsk for a United Nations program when the Russian army invaded Feb. 24, 2022. Denys, at home with his parents and children, called her immediately to tell that he would be enrolling as soon as she came back.

“Who will defend Ukraine if not me?” he asked his wife. “It’s about understanding why I’m going there. I’m going to defend my country, my family.”

Tarasov proved to be a good soldier, highly respected and with natural authority. He reached the rank of senior sergeant. In December 2022, he was offered the chance to leave the army and serve instead as an ombudsman in the Zaporizhzhia region. He replied, “No, I will not leave my guys. I can’t; I’m protecting them here.”

Kateryna prayed often for her husband, especially when he told her he would be out of communication at the very front of the line. “When he knew he wouldn’t be able to get in touch, he always warned us,” she said. “And I prayed. That was all.”

One day, after hearing about Ukrainian soldiers being ambushed, Kateryna wrote to all her friends, asking them all to pray too.

Denys later conveyed that their prayers had a tangible impact, Kateryna recalled. “Especially when they were lying in a ditch and there was mortar fire above them, and they just crawled out on their stomachs,” she said. “This is the power of prayer.”

When Tarasov came back to Zaporizhzhia for Christmas, he attended Mass every day. That visit was the last time he saw his family. He was killed in a battle in the Donetsk region a few days later.

Before he joined the army, Denys Tarasov had been working to stop the construction of a shopping center in a park in central Zaporizhzhia, a much-needed green oasis in the industrial city. After her husband’s death, Kateryna took over his work. She felt she needed to continue to support the causes that were so important to him.

“I know a lot of women who are in this situation, and they feel stuck,” Kateryna explained. “It is very important not to go backward with memories. We need to know the history, to know the past — but not to live in it. We have to move on, into the future. And we are responsible for what happens next.”

Thanks to her efforts, the park has been renamed in honor of her husband.

“I spoke at a session of the city council. In less than a day, we collected these votes to rename it,” she said. “People need hope, they need to believe Zaporizhzhia will become a better place to live again.”

PHONE CALLS FROM THE FRONT

Yarema Stetsyk is a member of Andrey Sheptytsky Council 15804 in Ivano-Frankivsk and the father of five: Melanka, 6; Zakhar, 15; Sofia, 20; Nastia, 24 — and Yurii, who would be 25 if he were still alive today.

An architecture student and active member of the national scouting organization Plast, Yurii left his studies in Ivano-Frankivsk to take up military service. His motivation was very simple: love of his country.

“Patriotism is something that just goes without saying in our family,” said his father.

Yurii served in the army from 2019 to 2021 and enrolled again as soon as the war began. After he left to fight on the front, he called home frequently.

“He didn’t call us that often when he was at university. But he started doing it during the army, and at the front it was a regular thing,” Stetsyk recalled. “We were so surprised because people don’t call that often from the front lines. And here we were, constantly talking about life, the weather, everything — the hours flew by.”

Stetsyk and his wife were also surprised by how much Yurii — who used to be a bit of a tough teenager — opened up during those phone calls.

“It didn’t even look like a conversation between parents and children. We talked as very close friends,” Stetsyk said.

Yurii Stetsyk died in battle Dec. 28, 2022, near Huliaypol in the Zaporizhzhia region.

Since the death of their son, Yarema Stetsyk and his wife have found consolation in faith, especially their faith in the resurrection. “You understand that what is happening now cannot be God’s final word,” said Stetsyk. “There must be a sequel.”

Even so, it is sometimes difficult to accept that time has become something keeping them apart from their son.

“You also have to understand that you still may have a long time to live. You realize this every morning, that you will have to live again today,” Stetsyk said.

“This is why resurrection has become a demand for me. Not just a request, but a demand I address to God: I want to be resurrected,” he said. “And I just wish others strength and inspiration for this life, so that we all end up together, one with the other, in the life to come.”

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KAROLINA ŚWIDER writes from Kraków, Poland.